“Are you SERIOUS?”


OK – I couldn’t wait to share this one.  So I was listening to a conference call slightly past lunchtime today.  I hadn’t eaten anything, so I was sort of cranky.  The topic that required a group pow-wow was quickly and efficiently handled by the participants, and all that remained was sharing common pleasantries prior to disconnecting and continuing my normal work day…and, of course, the basic question that stems from this is “…so what’s everyone doing this coming weekend?”

Whenever I hear this question, I refrain from detailed responses whenever I have a full marathon planned for that coming Saturday or Sunday.  Why do I bite my lip?  I have absolutely no idea.  I guess I suddenly hear my little Irish grandmother’s voice echo in my head, “don’t let anybody know your business!”  (to which I always replied to her whilst she was in her 90’s: “Grandma – what POSSIBLE business would you have that you need to keep a secret?”)

I guess part of me is a bit embarrassed about trying something like this.  Twelve marathons in a calendar year is a bit much – I know this.  But I really believe in the mission of the charity that I am trying to generate additional interest and funding for, so it’s worth the bumps and bruises that comes with the challenge.  And what if I fail?  I think that’s the elephant in my head.  What…if…I…fail.  So I find myself biting my toungue in public when leading questions such as “so what’s everyone doing this coming weekend?” are posed.

So, of course, the basic responses were provided by several people on the call.  “I’m going to the beach with my kids”, “I’m having a BBQ at my place”, “I’m visiting family”, blah, blah blah.  I kept quiet.  Inevitably, the question gets bounced to me, but the tone changes.  The following is a transcript…

“…and Joe – what about you?  What are you up to this weekend?”

“Well, I’m going to spend time with my daughter, do some running, and …”

I get cut off immediately…

“….OOOOHHH.  Joe’s running this weekend.  What else is new.  Pray tell – how many miles are you putting in?  Because it can’t be another marathon.  No way.  Not one that’s twenty something miles long.  I mean – maybe he’s running one of those shorter marathons – but not one of the longish ones.  No way.”

See that last paragraph?  That was really said.  By an actual person. In public.  I cannot make that up – I’m not that clever or creative.

OK folks.  I am uncomfortable about talking about what I’m trying to accomplish because I know it sounds pretty…well…OUT THERE (to borrow an old 1960’s term – and FYI, The Fonz rules).  And I know I need to be able to talk about this attempt at 12 marathons in a year because I want to help The Dream Team Project.  But when someone uses the term “pray tell” embedded within a statement that drips with even the slightest amount of sarcasm….well….all I can say is IT’S ON.

OH IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG.

IT’S ON ‘TIL THE BREAK OF DAWN.

You know how each of us has a switch within us that, when flipped, we go from zero to pissed in 2.3 seconds?  Well whenever someone mixes together a witches brew of sarcasm and nonsensical jibberish, tosses in a dash of “pray tell”, lets it simmer on a low flame for a couple of seconds and then attempts to serve it to me with a side of fries, a siren goes off in my head.  This siren, of course, awoke The Tool (who only works on odd weekends – so he now wants time and a half), who quickly appeared on my left shoulder…with a crap-eating grin on his face and a small cord of rope in his hand.

The Tool prceeded to tie one end of the rope to the top button of my dress shirt, and tied the other end around his waist.  He then began to repel down my back until he got to about my mid-spine area.  Apparently, that’s where my switch was located.  He hung there, the tiny 4 inch schmuck, waiting for the person on the phone to attempt to serve up a dessert of chocolate-covered wise cracks topped with added stupidity.

He didn’t have to wait for long.

“Well…I’m running with my team on Saturday, and then I have a race on Sunday.”

“What kind of race?  On of those longish marathons, or the shorter, 4-5 mile ones?”

….The Tool reached for the switch.  I could feel him about to throw it. 

“well…no.  I am running a full marathon on Sunday.  That would be one of the longer ones that you referred to.”

That one just came out naturally.  Crap.  If that tiny schmuck flips the switch, it’s gonna get ugly.

“YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS!  OH PLEASE.  WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?”

Her voice actually got loud.  People must have been wondering why the heck this person actually cared so much about what type of race I was running on Sunday.  I know I did!

She continued.  That was a mistake.

“YOU JUST RAN ONE LAST MONTH.  THERE’S NO WAY YOU CAN RUN ANOTHER SO SOON.  NO…WAY.”

That last short sentence was said with added penache.  That last sentence was also the cue for The Tool.  Flip.

“Well you’re right. Sunday isn’t a race.  I’m actually running a marathon by myself.  That would be 26.2 miles.  Around Manhattan.  It’ll take a while, but I’ll get it done – the traffic lights will screw with me a bit, so my time will not be too great.  However, I’ll finish.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS???”

“Yup. And I appreciate your unfliching support.  When I hear commentary like you just spewed, I use it as fuel.  So thanks for filling my tank for Sunday.  I have to ask: whenever you’re in a restaurant, does the waiter come over to your table after the main course has been served and say ‘Is anything alright?’”

Ahhh.  That felt good.  The Tool climbed up the rope, hopped back on my shoulder, and I actually gave the little bastard a not-so-high five.  Today he wasn’t my enemy – he was simply my adversary.

The call concluded with the sound of several loud chuckles and gaffahs ringing the background.  Leave ‘em laughing.  George Burns taught me that one.

On a serious note: I am a little nervous about Sunday morning.  I mean, other races have turned my stomach a bit before the gun went off.  This one, however, has my stomach in knots.  I am afraid of shutting down.  I’m afraid of not completing it.  I’m afraid of failing.  I know I can do this – but that fear of not giving my absolute best simply because I’m not running in a pack is what’s unique about Sunday.  But believe me – the cause is worth the effort.  The Dream Team Project is very special – it helps bring joy to kids suffering from life-threatening illnesses, and a brief reprieve for their families.  If you’re reading this, please take a moment to click on the link below.  It’ll provide more details on the charity and its mission. 

Well, I just needed to vent – so thanks for listening (I mean, reading).  Have a fantastic evening!  You don’t get today back – so make it count.

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If you’d like some information on The Dream Team Project or would like to make a donation to their amazing cause, please stop by the website:  www.wdwradio.com/the-dream-team-project  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really believe in what The Dream Team Project stands for.  It raises money for the Make-a-Wish Foundation, helping to grant the wishes of children suffering from life-threatening illnesses.  Being s former wish-granter for the NYC Chapter of the Make-a-Wish Foundation, I can tell you first-hand just how much of an impact this organization makes in the lives of children.  Please consider donating to this worthy cause.  Thanks!

…and if you’d like a bit more information on the WDW Radio Running Team, please check out the Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/WDW-Radio-Running-Team/163606410344409

The picture is of Fred Lebow – the man to helped found the New York Road Runners and the New York City Marathon.  I need to pass this statue twice during the last 10k of my marathon on Sunday.

It’s Like Christmas…Only Different


So here I am, clicking away on my laptop late on a Monday night, looking forward to tomorrow.  Why, you ask?  Well, not only am I planning to shoot out of bed and get my miles in…but my order from an on-line running store is due to be delivered.  A new Salomon hydration pack.  80 ounces of water.  Pockets for everything.  A snug fit, yet a coooool look.  OH YEAH.  I am the running equivalent of Tim the Tool Man Taylor.

 

I’m hoping that you remember Tim Allen’s TV show from the 1990’s, Home Improvement.  He played Tim The Tool Man Taylor – a Bob Villa wannabe that could do no right on his set when it came to things that were sharp, gas-powered or otherwise remotely hazardous.  He would let out several funny-sounding grunts which sounded like a Santa Claus hopped up on biscotti and Kahlua as he spoke of such manly things as a turbo charger, muscle cars and really loud motorcycles that go 180 miles per hour.  He loved the concept of “More POWER!”  For instance: he once figured that if a tractor mower that was powered by a small 2 cylinder gas engine was cool, just imagine how awesome a V-8, turbo-charged model would be!  So…..he builds one…..then tries it out…..only to lose control and go motoring through the garages, living rooms…and ultimately a neighbor’s swimming pool.

 

Well folks…I am the running equivalent of Tim The Tool Man Taylor.  Right after I decided to run a marathon this Sunday morning solo, I went on-line in search for gadgets that would make me feel like an alpha runner as I waddled around Manhattan.  I found…

 

…a headlamp with a halogen light on it that was so strong I could signal passing ships on the Hudson River at 5am.  HO HO HO!!!

 

…I identified running shorts with a secret zipper pocket just big enough to store a VISA card.  Too bad that by the time I get finished with all this shopping, I won’t need the secret pocket because the VISA won’t have enough credit left on it to pay for a cab home from Battery Park.  (ho ho ho, though, out of respect for the James Bond-looking shorts).

 

…I found tablets that turn a bottle of water into a healthy, electrolyte drink that tastes like Pepsi.  HO…HO…HO!!!

 

…there were cool looking technical shirts that were specifically designed to protect against raw nipples, HO HO HO HO HO!!!!!  (Yes, ladies, we get raw nipples from long distance runs too – this is a G-rated blog so work with me here), water bottles that are so eco-friendly that they actually help heal the ozone layer, and energy gels that taste like tiramisu from Arthur Avenue in the Bronx….say it with me….HO HO HO HO HO!!!!!

 

My computer provided me with the distance runner’s version of soft core porn.  And just when I thought it couldn’t get any better…..there was the Salomon hydration pack.  It was the Ferrari of hydration packs.  It would make me faster just by adding to my alpha-maleness.  It was black, with cool lettering.  Pockets everywhere.  A water bladder that not only keeps water cold, but it magically flavors it to taste like Captain Morgan.  It even enhances the reception on my cell phone, it comes with one month of free cable TV, and it can read me bedtime stories (if I ever had trouble sleeping).  THIS….WAS….A….NECESSITY.  Within minutes, one was purchased via the magic of wireless internet and available credit (those fools at the bank will never learn…hehehe).

 

If Elvis were a marathon runner (and he is, folks – I have run with The King several times), and he was planning a run like mine next Sunday, he would buy this hydration pack…and I bet it would make Teddy Bear sound even better.

 

So this magical product will arrive at my doorstep tomorrow.  I keep clicking on the link provided on my confirmation email, which bounces me to FedEx’s website.  It shows me exactly where my beloved hydration pack currently resides.  Somewhere in Tennessee as of 10:02pm.  For some reason, I think that if I keep clicking on this link every 15 minutes, the hydration pack will be drawn to my laptop like some sort of runner’s magnet.  For some reason, this concept….well….sucks.  It doesn’t work.

 

So now my evening turned into Christmas Eve.  I have to go to sleep and wait for the Jolly Ol’ Fed Ex to show up and ask for my electronic signature tomorrow morning.  Don’t kid yourself: I’m leaving cookies out, along with a glass of Soy milk (because, if you believe some of the websites out there, Saint Nick is lactose intolerant).

 

Oh crap…I am working all day tomorrow.  What if they indeed require a signature?  Something tells me I’m screwed…..

 

Until tomorrow, friends!  Here’s hoping that your Tuesday is fun and productive.  Get out there and get into motion.  Get in some exercise.  I don’t care what form of exertion you choose – just break a sweat at some point today.

 

You don’t get today back – so make it count.

 

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If you’d like some information on The Dream Team Project or would like to make a donation to their amazing cause, please stop by the website:  www.wdwradio.com/the-dream-team-project  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really believe in what The Dream Team Project stands for.  It raises money for the Make-a-Wish Foundation, helping to grant the wishes of children suffering from life-threatening illnesses.  Being s former wish-granter for the NYC Chapter of the Make-a-Wish Foundation, I can tell you first-hand just how much of an impact this organization makes in the lives of children.  Please consider donating to this worthy cause.  Thanks!

 

…and if you’d like a bit more information on the WDW Radio Running Team, please check out the Facebook page at: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/WDW-Radio-Running-Team/163606410344409