Some smart philosophical dude once said “the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step”. Let’s face it though: taking that first step isn’t the easiest thing to do in the world. Whenever I know that I need to address an issue, my first reaction is to procrastinate. If I had to draw up a logo that directly reflects my personality, it would be an ostrich with his head buried in the sand. Something like this:
It takes me a while to yank my abnormally rotund cranium from the dirt – but when I do, I can come up with some really interesting ways of addressing my shortcomings. For example: as a kid, I grew up on an island in The Bronx, New York. I spent a ton of time on the water….yet I was constantly afraid of drowning. Go figure. And what’s more – I loved to swim. I’d have nightmares of being underwater and not being able to reach the surface. My breathing with would get more and more difficult, and I’d wake up gasping for air. So I stuck my head in the sand for a long time, until I finally decided to attack the problem by learning how to scuba dive. Here’s another example: I was afraid of speaking in public for a very long time – so I attacked the issue after a prolonged battle with my own desire to remain stuck in neutral by taking stand up comedy lessons in New York City. Once you do 8 minutes of rather bland observational humor in front of 300 drunken tourists from eastern Europe, speaking to a small group of your peers isn’t quite as challenging. So it may take me a while to address a problem / weakness, but when I do it’s usually an unusual remedy that’s pulled from my rather lite bag of tricks.
Well there was another weakness that I needed to address, and it’s one that I’e carried with me for most of my adult life. There is basically more of me than there should be. I’m carrying way too much excess weight, and it has affected my energy level, my workout performance, and increased my WhatTheFractor (“WTF”). Never heard of the WTF? That’s because I just made it up. If you feel like doing the math, have at it:
(168 – (7s+5w+6t+5c+7m+7v)) /7 = WTF
So for those of you playing the home game and love The Big Bang Theory, let’s walk through this theorem:
168 (the total number of hours in a week)
minus the sum of the total hours each week that I spend Sleeping, Working, Training, Commuting, enjoying Meals, Vegging out (decompressing after tough days)
divide that total by the days of the week
THAT’s my WTF.
So check this out – here’s my WTF calculation, where S=8, W=9, T=1.5, C=1.5, M=2, and V=2:
(168-(56+45+9+7.5+14+14)) / 7 = 3.214
Therefore, my WTF is 3.214. That means that I cannot account for 3.2 hours of each day, on average. That’s got me saying…..WTF? Where the heck is Dr. Sheldon Cooper when I need him?
So in order to attack my weight issue and lower my WTF, I’ve begun a weight loss program that has a strong support system. Progress will be slow and steady…and the necessary changes that must occur will truly and completely and most righteously sucketh. But like my fears of drowning and speaking in public, the fear of remaining unhealthy looms over me and has made me pull my head once again from the sand.
I’m embarrassed by my starting weight. I truly am. And I’m going to post updates on here throughout the weeks ahead.